remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Randomize
