I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
