Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Randomize
