the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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