You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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