hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
