remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I will pee on everything he values.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
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