I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
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No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
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Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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