plz talk dirty to me
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
