Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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