Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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