I'm retarded. Again.
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
23 Insane Reasons People Got Fired
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...