The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
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And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
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okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.