Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
this just has baby written all over it
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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