Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
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Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
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Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.