Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.