my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though