Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.