Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?