At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
