Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
