An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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