After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
