Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
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