wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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