listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize