I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
