Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
