I just threw up on my dentist
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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