I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
