While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
