dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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