WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
You're a waste of cheezeits
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
