Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
