What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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