if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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