It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
i think im in europe. pls send help
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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