if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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