Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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