the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
