I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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