I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
