i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
17 year olds will be the death of me.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
