p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
