i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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