I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Woke up backwards on a recliner
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
