Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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