I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
