i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
