office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
