piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
