At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
