Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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