Fuck appropriateness.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
