epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
