oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
