that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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