apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
