Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
