in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
