It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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