Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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