If i come over, it means nothing
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
