I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
