he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
50% drunk capacity currently
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
tell me about the fingering
Randomize