I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
