so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
