It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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