I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
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