I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
