Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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