This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
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Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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