So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
he was CRYING into my vagina
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
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